At this time of year it seems we hear and see a lot of ideas of what the “ideal” loving relationship is supposed to be. While it is certainly not my intention to rain on any one’s parade, I do want to offer a few friendly/compassionate reminders. First ask yourself, how many people or couples do you know that are in a truly loving and joy filled relationship?
Most of us if we are lucky perhaps know one, and even then how can we be sure that the face they show in public is truly representative of what goes on behind closed doors.
I believe the reason that there are so many less than joyful loving relationships in the world is that most of us never learned, or perhaps have forgotten one key ingredient to any successful relationship. Before you can truly love another, you have to love yourself first. I know you have probably heard this before, but what have you done about it? I know society would like us to believe that loving ourselves is selfish, self centered, maybe even egotistical.
But let me ask you another question. How has not loving yourself benefited your relationships? How has not loving yourself, and other people not loving themselves benefited relationships around the world. The undeniable truth is it hasn’t, and it is time to do something about it.
Below I have outlined some simple steps to get you going on the path toward loving your self in such a way that ultimately will open up the space inside of yourself to be able to experience the love with another person you have been searching for so long.
1. Stop looking outside of yourself to fulfill your need for love. Start looking within. Start becoming aware of the things you love, admire and respect about yourself. And if you think that there isn’t anything about you worthy of love admiration and respect, remember that you are a child of God.
As a child of God you were created in a perfect way with gifts uniquely your own. If you have yet to discover those gifts yet, then simply start to be aware. By being aware you will start to notice that certain things that you do have a positive impact on others. Acknowledge and appreciate those things.
2. Take Yourself on a date. I am not kidding about this. Come up with a list of at least ten things that you absolutely love or would love to do. This will become your joy list. Pick one thing from your list each week and commit to doing it. This is time just for you, cherish it, guard it, respect it.
3. Stop surrounding yourself with things that are negative. Whether it be people, the news on TV, on the radio, or in the newspapers, simply stop exposing yourself to that negative in put. It is difficult to feel loving toward yourself, let alone someone else when you are being bombarded by negativity.
4. Reinforce the positive. Come up with at least three positive statements/affirmations about yourself. Be sure they are worded in the present tense as if you were experiencing them right now. for example:
I give and receive love easily and gracefully.
Say these statements in the morning and in the evening, and any time that you become aware of negative thoughts coming up in your mind.
5. Laugh Every Day. Stop taking yourself and life so seriously. find a reason or something that makes you laugh; a movie, a book, a joke, something, anything. Just laugh.
Yes everyone has challenges in there life, and I am not suggesting to stick your head in the sand and pretend they don’t exist. However focusing on them will cause them to appear larger than they are, and attract more of the same.
I can positively guarantee you that if you really committed to doing the five simple steps above, it wouldn’t be that long before you became aware that you are more than capable of fulfilling your need for love, happiness and joy in your life.
Now just imagine yourself approaching love with another person from that place. Do you think your relationships would be different if you weren’t looking to, or rather expecting the other person to fulfill those needs for you?
If you’re in a great and loving relationship already, then count your blessings and be grateful.. If not, I have outlined some steps to empower you to make a positive change in your life. Yes it will be uncomfortable at first, and you will probably feel silly doing what I have suggested. But how silly will feel if you choose to do nothing, and you are in exactly the same place at this time next year?